Aspie Girls

Whenever I have mentioned Asperger's or Autism to any of my friends or family, I am usually met with reactions like, "You are way to talkative to be autistic." or "You don't have the flat voice that people with Asperger's have." While it is true that many people with Asperger's are shy and reserved and speak in a monotonous way, there are plenty of us out there who do not seem to fit this stereotype at all. I have always had a severe issue with talking. I never seem to know if someone is bored, in a hurry, trying to change the subject or are simply not interested. It is less of a problem of not wanting to talk and more of a problem of not understanding the cues to regulate a conversation. If I am asked by a clerk at the supermarket "how are you today", I often puzzle over knowing how much of an answer I am really supposed to give. Should I simply say that I am fine or should I really tell them how I feel? I never seem to know and usually end up saying too much. Small talk usually ends up as "big talk" by the time I am finished with it and Lord help the poor soul who happens to ask me about something that is related to an area of "special interest". They'll never get me to shut up! Another issue that I have is with volume. I have a very loud and booming voice that carries well. I absolutely can't stand it when people tell me to lower my voice. It just isn't natural for me to speak any softer. I get accused of having a "tone" or "yelling" all the time when in reality I am excited or very passionate about what I am saying. It is almost never my intention to yell or take a tone. It all leaves me feeling very frustrated and confused and I feel self concious every time that I speak. I get the feeling that when people think of me that "annoying" is a word that may come to mind, but certainly not "autistic".

As I have advanced in years, I have aquired more and more skill in social settings. It was much more obvious when I was a child that there were "issues". I would talk out of turn in class and had trouble staying in my seat. My desk was positioned right next to the teachers for most of elementary school and occasionally I was even relocated to the hallway. I was not very good at getting other children to play with me and subsequently spent a good deal of time studying the other kids on the playground trying to figure out why they were able to get playmates while I was not. As a result, I could always be found lurking on the perimeter of the playground and was frequently accused of staring at people. I don't think that it ever occured to anyone that there might be a problem back in 1980. Today, perhaps someone would have noticed the troubles I was having at school. It is difficult to say because girls are still under diagnosed in the autistic spectrum.

The following link is for an ABC News clip called "Diagnosing Girls' Autism" that aired January 24, 2008. When I watched this, I immediately saw myself (as well as my daughter) in the little girl featured in the video.

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=4181242