Aspie Girls

Since writing my last blog about Cassandra AffectiveDeprivation Disorder (CADD), I have really been thinking a lot about how the issue makes me feel as a woman with Asperger's Syndrome (AS). In my opinion,one of the most negative aspect of the CADD diagnosis is the idea that the parent or partner with AS has a negative effect on the mental health of the family. It is this notion that the AS individual is overtly self-absorbed in their areas of special interest at the expense of the emotional well being of their family that suggests that the individual is somehow unfit to raise children. While I can both understand and appreciate how living with someone who is likely a little cold or aloof, stubborn and rigid, eccentric, not so great with communication and prone to obsessive interests could depress the mood of a family, I wonder how deleterious the effects really are. The degree to which individuals with AS are effected varies greatly. Certainly some of us really are so wrapped up in our special interest areas that we scarcely surface to eat or shower, but are we all this way? The simple fact that some of us have managed to mate and reproduce would suggest other wise.

There is little dispute that individuals with AS actually long for human interaction, so why do we have such a negative stereotype? I honestly think that it is because a negative“story” draws in a lot more attention than a positive one. Who wants to hear about the Aspie mother who’s obsessive interest was child rearing or the Aspie man who turned his obsessions into a lucrative career that could support a large family? The fact is that stories such as these really do exist; they simply don’t draw as much attention as stories of individuals whose behaviours result in emotional neglect or abuse.

I have a tendency to obsess over topics that are appealing to me, just as many Aspie’s do, but I have been fortunate that some of my interests have been beneficial to my family and not just me. In fact, when I look back on my life through the lens of Asperger’s Syndrome, it is obvious that much of my success as a parent is a direct result of my propensity for obsessive interests. While it is true that I do struggle to find the right balance between “me time” and “family time”, the emotional and educational interest of my children typically comes first. They are my own personal experiment in child rearing and I marvel at the many different ways in which I can mould them and direct them. I am immersed in one of my favourite obsessive interests everytime I interact with my kids and I can honestly say that I feel no guilt over time spent researching them.

Another positive aspect to the "obsessive interest" that is almost always overlooked is the ability to share that interest with your family. I am an Aspie with many and varied areas of special interests and this makes me “interesting” to my kids. It is not unusual to find our family out traveling the country side in search of “information”. From collecting rocks and plants to investigating the paranormal, our family is never at a loss for things to do because I share my obsessions with them. It was the easiest way to turn an otherwise solitary activity into quality family time without totally compromising my need to know more!

In closing, while I can see the potential for emotional neglect in a relationship with someone who has AS, I can also see the potential for just the opposite. It all depends on your level of self-awareness and your understanding of your “different ability”. I believe whole-heartedly that Aspie parents have the ability to be great parents.

If you have a story about how you feel your Aspie or Autie traits have had a positive influence on your family life post it in my thread on "Traits of a Positive Parent. http://www.aspiegirls.com/apps/forums/topics/show/1033107-traits-of-a-positive-parent